About GCVC   Program Offerings   Teams/Coaches   Tournaments   College Recruiting   Lighter Side   Scholarships   Alumni   Links


Home
Brochure (2009!)
Coaches Corner
Registration (New!)
Hotel Info
Fundraising
Rewards Card
Photo Album
Contacts
Testimonials

 

Lighter Side


Charles Schultz' Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

 


POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 (usually more). Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent
raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about
this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

 


Church Bulletins

They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water"
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
-------------------------------------------------------------------- --
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there w ill be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
------------------------------------ ----------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterior ation of some older ones.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
S couts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the C hurch. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
-------------------------------------------------------- -------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Suppo! rt Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the F irst Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
! -------------------------- --------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours"
 

report card

Subject: Dear Dad

A father walking by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad" With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,
It is with deep great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so wonderful. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant. Joan says that we'll be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We also share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,

Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
 


Songs of the 60's,70's and 80's

 
Some of the Artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to appeal to aging baby boomers:

Herman's Hermits- "Mrs. Brown you've got a lovely walker"
The Bee Gees- "How Can you Mend a Broken Hip"
Bobby Darin- "Splish, Splash, I was havin' a Flash"
Ringo Starr- "I get By with a Little Help from Depends"
Roberta Flack- "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash- "I Can't See Clearly Now"
Paul Simon- "Fifty Ways to Loose Your Liver"
Commodores- "Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom"
Marvin Gaye- "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts"
Leo Sayer- "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Abba- "Denture Queen"
Helen Reddy- "I am Woman Here Me Snore"
Willie Nelson- "On the Throne Again"
Leslie Gore- "It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I want To"
 
 

Sponsors