GLASS
CITY, LLC
WE GO BEYOND ! |
    
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LIGHTER SIDE
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Top This One For A
Speeding Ticket
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Two California
Highway Patrol Officers were conducting
speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of
the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar .
One of the officers was using a hand held
radar device to check speeding vehicles
approaching the crest of a hill. The
officers were suddenly surprised when the
radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour.
The officer attempted to reset the radar
gun, but it would not reset and then it
turned off.
Just then a deafening
roar over the treetops revealed that the
radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18
Hornet which was engaged in a low
flying exercise near the location.
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Back at the CHP
Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander.
The reply came back in true USMC style:
Thank you for
your letter. We can now complete the file
on this incident.
You may be
interested to know that the tactical
computer in the Hornet had detected the
presence of, and subsequently locked on to
your hostile radar equipment and
automatically sent a jamming signal back to
it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an
Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed
aircraft had also automatically locked on to
your equipment location.
Fortunately, the
Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized
the situation for what it was, quickly
responded to the missile system alert status
and was able to override the automated
defense system before the missile was
launched to destroy the hostile radar
position.
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The pilot also
suggests you cover your mouths when cussing
at them, since the video systems on these
jets are very high tech.
Sergeant
Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun,
should get his dentist to check his left
rear molar. It appears the filling is loose.
Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Thank you for
your concern.
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THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
If you are 30
or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to
bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard
things were. When they were growing up; what with walking
Twenty-five miles to school every morning....
Uphill....Barefoot... BOTH ways...Yadda,
yadda, yadda
And I
remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no
way in he%% I was going to lay
a bunch of cr@& like that on my kids about how hard I
had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that.... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I
can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood,
you live in a da#$ Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know
how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we
wanted to know something, we had to go to the da#$ library
and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a
letter - with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put
it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get
there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat
us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also
had permission to kick our a$$! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal
music, you had to hitchhike to the da#$ record store and
shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio
and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*%
it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in
our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when
finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how
we rolled, dig?
We didn't have fancy
crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could
be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug
dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had
to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We
had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders'
and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually
had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen.... forever!
And you could never win... The game just kept getting harder
and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like
LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out
what was on! You were scre*!6 when it came to channel
surfing! You had to get off you’re a$$ and walk over to the
TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get
cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm
saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
spoiled little brats!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have
got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have
lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd
P.S.(Send this to
someone you'd like to make smile, whether they are under 30
or not.)
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Jesus is Watching
A burglar broke
into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight
off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head
and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came
to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying
to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are
you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What
kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
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010310
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